


No Business Like Show Business

by KelliDiane



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorder, M/M, Medical Inaccuracies, Red String of Fate, Weed Smoking, tw: depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 09:04:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2382683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KelliDiane/pseuds/KelliDiane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It could be worse." Zayn is trying to be reassuring, squeezing Louis' bicep while they're waiting to be called in by management.</p>
<p>The brunette rolls his eyes and shakes out his ridiculously long and shaggy hair. "I just don't care anymore, Zee. That sounds horrible to say, but it's true."</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Business Like Show Business

"It could be worse." Zayn is trying to be reassuring, squeezing Louis' bicep while they're waiting to be called in by management.

The brunette rolls his eyes and shakes out his ridiculously long and shaggy hair. "I just don't care anymore, Zee. That sounds horrible to say, but it's true."

Zayn sighs. "I know you don't. The band knows, hell, our management probably know."

"I don't want to seem ungrateful, but it's my life. If I want to ruin it, why do I need others' approval?" Louis asks sincerely. He looks to his best friend in question.

"Because you're in a band and you could ruin their lives too." Zayn knows Louis' been having a rough time, they all have, but Louis especially.

The older male looks to the ground as he lets that answer sink in. "Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you didn't exist?"

"No. Louis, are you okay?" There's a bigger question Zayn wants to ask, but he doesn't want to ask it here.

He doesn't answer right away. He's quiet before sighing heavily and looking up and his friend with his perfectly perfected smile on his face. "Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

An intern steps from the office and calls them in for their meeting.

"Let's go get lectured at." Zayn rolls his eyes, allowing Louis to go into the office before he does.

\------------

Louis makes his way back to the bus with Zayn trailing behind him. "I'm sorry I got us into trouble. I honestly have no clue how it got leaked."

"It's alright, Lou. Let’s just not film anymore, yeah?" Zayn enters the tour bus to hushed whispering.

Niall and Harry are on the couch, their sides completely pressed together while they had a quiet conversation going on. Harry quiets down when he sees Zayn and Louis, choosing to look away.

The brunet finds himself rolling his eyes for the hundred and first time that day. He snaps at his bandmate and, once upon a time, best friend. "Thought I heard someone talking about me."

Harry chooses not to answer despite wanting to. He just looks at Niall and drinks from his water bottle.

That enrages Louis even more. "You guys are fucking ridiculous. Golden boys? Ha! You're just as fucked up as us. Don't get all high and mighty on us now."

Harry rolls his eyes. He's itching to say something, but he's not going to give in because Louis' being a prick.

Zayn groans. "Louis, come on. Why don't you just head to the bunks and take a nap?"

"Don't tell me what to do! You're not my mother! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go do whatever the fuck I want and that includes smoking a blunt."

Liam watches as the eldest stomps off. "Not the smartest tactic, Harold."

Harry scoffs. "Why should we talk to him? That video was down right the stupidest shit ever. Neither of them gave a fuck that this would reflect negatively on the band not just them!"

"You know he didn't make the video public. Besides, he looks like a trapped lion ready to pounce. Don't poke him." Liam chastises the youngest boy.

"I'm not poking him! I didn't say a word to him!" Harry huffs looking towards Niall for some kind of backup.

Niall sighs. "I'm not getting in the middle of this. I think we all need to handle this situation better."

Harry frowns. "He was calling us both names! Are you aware that your dream could end because of someone else?"

"But he's also my friend and he's been under a lot of stress lately. Our friendship will always come first." Niall says diplomatically. "Now, Zayn, go make sure he doesn't do something crazy."

Zayn nods and heads off to the back of the bus, pushing the curtains aside.

Louis has his face buried in a pillow, muffling his sobs. He looks up as Zayn enters. "Shut the curtains, please."

Zayn bites his tongue to keep from reminding Louis that they're only curtains the boys will still hear and instead just shuts them. "How are you doing?"

"They're right. I could have ended everything for them and you and I didn't even think about it." Louis whispers as he pulls the blanket back, wanting Zayn to lie down with him.

Zayn gets in to bed without question, shaking his head. "No they're not considering you in this either. You're going through a lot. And it's not like I wasn't in the video either we both were."

There's a good ten seconds where Louis says nothing. "I leaked the video. I sent it to TMZ under a fake name."

Zayn grows silent. What? What is he supposed to say? "What?"

"I just wanted people to stop everything, go home to Doncaster, and never mention One Direction ever again. I thought that management would terminate my contract or something." Louis says quietly. "I'm sorry I got you involved. I thought a video of straight up me would be classified as intentional. I wanted to seem scandalous so the rest of you would be okay."

"Louis, that's... I'm going to need some time." Zayn stands sighing.

"Yeah, I get it." Louis can't make eye contact with the boy. He knows he's hurt him and now he wishes he could redo all of this.

Zayn walks into the lounge, sitting on the unoccupied loveseat.

Liam looks up from where he's texting Sophia dirty messages. "He alright? You alright? You seem a bit paler than normal."

"Just, I've been defending Louis and I find out he sent the message to TMZ."

"Wait, what?" Liam sets his phone down and looks questioningly at his friend. "Who told you that?"

"Louis. He just told me when I was back there." Zayn runs his fingers through his hair.

"That doesn't sound like Lou. Maybe he's just taking the blame so people will stop telling him to try and lie his way through." Liam says with a frown.

"He said he did it because he was hoping management would terminate his contract."

Liam sighs. "I think he's just really stressed. Leave him alone for now. Harry obviously isn't talking to him, Niall and I are giving him some space, maybe you should too."

"I'm just trying to comfort him considering no one else is trying to!"

"I'm just saying. Maybe he needs to be alone, not have someone coddle him." Liam says with a shrug.

"Whatever." The thing that Zayn hates about tour buses are the lack of places to storm off to. He goes to kitchen table anyway leaning against the window.

Niall us there, plucking away at his guitar. "You okay? You look pretty pissed off."

"I'm pissed at everyone. Everyone's pissing me off." Zayn sighs.

Niall quirks a brow. "Is this about Harry? He's not angry at you. He's mad at Louis for even recording the thing."

"Louis and Liam and a little bit you are all pissing me off as well." Zayn decidedly gets up turning the coffee maker on.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Niall asks softly. He might not agree with the two's decision, but he wants them all to be happy.

"Not really. I'd rather just drink my coffee." Zayn gets a mug out of the cabinet along with sugar and cream from the fridge.

"Don't be up all night. We have a concert tomorrow." Niall says as he pats Zayn on the back and heads off to his bunk to give the raven haired bandmate his space.

\------------

Harry awkwardly sits on the black leather couch in the lounge the venue had provided allowing Niall to lie his head on his thighs. It's weird there's tension in the air and he feels even weirder talking. "You excited? Should be a good show tonight."

Niall nods, looking over at the others. "Yeah. Crowd is going to be tons of fun."

"Yeah... Expect the signs will be a riot." Liam tries to add to cut the tension.

"They usually are. That or inappropriate." Harry throws in a laugh absently running his fingers through Niall's hair.

Louis rolls his eyes. "Of course they'll be inappropriate."

"I mean... You never know." Liam says wanting to stay positive.

"I was trying not to be a dick, but thanks, Louis. Now we know who the dick is here." Harry rolls his eyes.

"Of fuck off, you self righteous twat." Louis rolls his eyes as Paul steps in to gather them all to the stage.

"I'm not self righteous! I actually give a shit about what happens to the people in this band unlike you, you selfish prick!"

"Boys! Settle it down. Put on a smile and get professional." Paul barks as he pushes them all into their stage positions

Zayn brushes his fingers against Louis' shoulder blades hoping to calm him.

They're pushed up from the floor and screams assault them as they launch into their set. It's a blur, like always.

"Yeah, we were together summer '09, wanna roll back like pressing rewind, you were mine and we never said goodbye." Liam sings as he turns to clap Louis on the shoulder.

"I used to think that I was better alone. Why did I ever wanna let you go? Under the moonlight as we stared at the sea, the words you whispered I will always believe." Louis sings loudly into his mic.

There's booing from the crowd as Louis sings his solo and a sign here and there, negative messages about Louis written across them.

Niall tries to power through, rocking out on his guitar and being his normal concert self. "I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me, yeah!"

The song comes to an end and Louis looks to Zayn. Liam begins their introductions, knowing it's going to be a long night.

\------------

Niall flops onto the bus couch as they start to quickly pull away from the venue. "Well that'll be a concert I remember."

"That was... Interesting." Harry picks at his fingernails taking a seat by Niall's legs.

Louis shoves past them all and moves into the bunk room where he promptly climbs into bed and shuts his curtain.

"Do you think it's the strain on the relationship with Eleanor?" Liam asks quietly. He hates seeing his friend so down.

"Maybe? That or things are getting to him. None of us are being affected the way he is." Harry murmurs.

"What else could it be though? We're all going through the same thing." Niall says with a frown.

"Maybe... Maybe Louis' depressed?" Zayn asks. It's something he's been thinking about for awhile.

Liam frowns and looks at the bed area. "Depressed? Louis? That's crazy. He's always cracking jokes and smiling."

Niall nods in agreement. "Yeah. I'd think out of all of us, Louis is the least likely to be depressed."

"And look at him now. Clearly he's not cracking jokes or smiling."

"So he hit a rough patch. Doesn't mean he's depressed. Why would you think that? Did he say something or...?" Liam thinks Zayn is overreacting, but he'll play along to keep the boy appeased.

"You know what? Forget it." Zayn stands heading into the kitchen.

Niall frowns. "Do you guys really think Louis' okay? What if he is depressed?"

"He needs to see a doctor before we just diagnose him." Harry says.

"Should we get Paul to schedule it? I don't want him to wait for something like this." Liam says seriously.

"I think we should. And we need to all go with him. Support him." Zayn looks at the other three.

Liam nods. "Will he want to go though? I don't want to force this on him."

"This is for his health," Harry sighs, "if he wants everything to be alright with the fans and us then he'll do it."

"I'll get him." Niall moves Harry from his lap and heads into the bunk area. "Louis, can we talk to you?"

"No." The reply is short and sad sounding.

Harry gets up immediately after and sighs. "Louis, look, I know you and I aren't on the best terms, but I hope you know that I really do care about you. I love you, Lou, okay? And I don't want us to constantly be at each other's throats. It's my fault for being an idiot and not talking to you about it, but I'd really, really like it if you would come out here."

It's silent for a moment before Louis moves to look at the two of them. "Is Zayn out there?"

"Yeah. Come on, Lou." Niall gets the eldest out of bed and they're all sitting in the living area, quiet.

Zayn takes the seat right next to Louis. "Lou, don't be mad at us, okay? We don't want to force you, but we think you should see a doctor."

The brunet frowns. "Why? I'm fine. I'm not sick or anything."

"Louis, we think you're depressed." Niall says quietly.

"With everything that's going on you're not… I don't want to sound like a dick but you're not handling things properly? We just want to see if you are and if you aren't then we'll think of something else. Depressed or not we want to help you out." Harry looks at the others. He hopes he's doing alright.

"We need to focus on the tour, not my health. I'll get checked after everything is done with." Louis doesn't want to go to a doctor. He just wants to lay around in bed and cry.

"Lou, please. We can't help if you won't let us." Zayn grabs Louis' hand, intertwining their fingers together.

"We care about you, Louis. We're more than just coworkers, we're family." Liam says softly.

Louis sighs. "If you really think it'll do us any good, fine. I'll go."

Harry can't help but cheer and kiss Louis' cheek. "We really appreciate this, Lou."

The eldest smiles softly. "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but can I go lay down again? I just really need to sleep off this concert. I might be up to smoke later, but I really need to sleep."

"Yeah, of course. We'll see you later." Harry ushers him away sitting back down in his seat.

"So what do we do if he's not depressed?" Liam asks as the four of them settle in.

Niall shrugs. "Then maybe he's just homesick?"

"We'll have to work with him to find out his problem." Zayn looks down the hall towards the shut curtains. That's all they can do.

\------------

"To friendship and good health." Harry cheers raising his shot glass in the air knocking it back down.

All the boy's cheer and knock back their shots.

Louis sighs and moves his shot in front of Niall. He doesn't feel like drinking. "What country are we even in?"

"England." Harry laughs sits back working with a comfortable buzz.

"For Queen and country." Louis mumbles. "I'm going back to the bus. You guys have fun."

Niall laughs. "See ya, mate! Harry, wanna see me walk on my hands?"

Harry rolls his eyes as Niall starts walking off looking at the others. "I'm going to go with him. Make sure he doesn't crack his head on the asphalt."

Niall ends up behind the establishment, laughing as he sees Harry with him. "Ready?" He doubles over and tries his best to do a handstand, laughing hysterically as he starts to fall over almost immediately.

Harry immediately grabs Niall by the hips looking down at him. "You're ridiculous. How drunk are you?"

"Pretty damn drunk." Niall says with a laugh. "You have really pretty lips."

"Uh? Thank you?" Harry tries helping Niall to get on his feet only to fall over him, landing hard on his chest. "Shit!"

Niall looks down at the boy and giggles. "What you doing down there?" He goes to ground next to Harry and lays flat, giggling some more. "You should kiss me."

Harry's eyes widen, looking at Niall in confusion. "Uh, what?"

"Kiss me." Niall says again. "I want you to kiss me."

"Niall, you're really drunk. Kissing isn't a good idea." Harry doesn't feel like running his friendship tonight.

"Please, Harry! I really want to kiss you and tug on your curls and like, get you off." Niall whines and pouts as he looks at his best friend.

"I thought you wanted to kiss me now you want to get me off?"

Niall whines again and paws at Harry's clothes. "I want both. I want to kiss you and get you off."

Harry grabs Niall's wrists. "Babe- Niall, we can't. You're drunk, really drunk, and I'd be taking advantage of you."

"I'm not drunk! I'm sober! I promise!" Niall tries to lean in and kiss Harry.

"You're so fucking drunk it's unbelievable." Harry sighs, but he leans in anyway kissing Niall.

Niall smiles into the kiss, climbing onto the boy's lap. "Kiss me some more. I like kissing you. Your face tastes awesome."

"My face?" Harry laughs but kisses him again, quick and fast. "Can we get off the ground now?"

"Only if you promise to sleep in my bunk with me. I want to get off so bad." Niall says as he leans in to kiss at the boy's neck.

"Fine." Harry figures Niall will just end up falling asleep on the car ride back to the hotel anyway.

Niall smiles and gets to his feet extending a hand to his friend. "Come on, curly. I'm going to rock your world."

\------------

"Louis? Louis!" Harry's trying to keep himself under control he really is, but he's freaking out rapidly knocking on Louis' door.

Louis open the doors, dressed in a pair of sweats and a super baggy hoodie. "Harry, it's like nine in the morning. What could you possibly need this early?"

"I fucked up. I fucked up big time." Harry's almost hyperventilating fuck he feels like he's having a panic attack.

Louis is more alert now as he ushers Harry into his room. "What happened? What did you do? Is anyone hurt?"

"I don't know probably? Maybe? Fuck." Harry sinks into Louis' couch covering his face.

"Not to sound uncaring, but why aren't you going to Niall?" Louis knows he's not close with Harry anymore. He doesn't know how to deal with a frantic Harry.

"Niall is the problem! Shit." Harry didn't know where else to go.

"Just calm down and tell me what's wrong. I can't help if I don't know." Louis says softly.

"Niall and I hooked up last night. We had sex."

Louis blinks. "And? I'm not seeing the problem here."

"He was drunk! Really drunk! And I wasn't! I was pretty fucking sober." Harry can't help feel like he's ruined everything.

"Niall's fine with it. Trust me. Zayn and him hooked up on the Up All Night tour. He just gets really touchy feely." Louis shrugs. He knows Niall. The boy will just shrug it off and love Harry no differently.

"I don't want him to shrug it off and be another hook up though." Harry can't help the way tears well up in his eyes digging his fingers into his thighs.

"You not going to be just another hook up, Haz. He loves you. Stop worrying about it. I promise everything will be okay. Don't freak out until you've talked to him and everything." Louis doesn't want to deal with love and sex this early in the morning, especially when his love life is pretty much nonexistent.

"He doesn't love me, Louis. Stop trying to make me feel better or whatever it's making me feel worse."

Louis sighs. "Then what do you want to hear, Harry? I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know how to make this better, okay? I don't know you that well anymore." He just doesn't know what to do or say.

"I haven't changed, Louis. I'm still the same person, I like the same things, I act the same way."

"Then why do you seem so different?" Louis is so frustrated with everyone acting so differently. He sits on his bed, head cradled in his hands. "All of you just... Changed. I barely know any of you anymore."

"We didn't change, Louis, you did." Harry finally looks at him and sighs.

It's silent.

Louis doesn't know what to say. "I... I'm sorry." He starts to cry at the realisation that he doesn't relate to any of them.

Harry gets up and wraps his arm around Louis. "It's okay, it's going to be okay. You'll be okay."

There's a knock at the door before the sound of a key card clicking into place and the door opens. "Louis? Oh, Harry. Perfect. Uh, Louis, can you be ready to go in thirty minutes? Your appointment is in an hour."

Louis doesn't look up from where he's crying into his hands. "I'll try."

"I'll help you, alright? That's what friends do, we help each other." Harry kisses Louis' jaw and hugs him tighter.

Louis nods against Harry's chest. "He adores you, by the way. I might not know much about you guys anymore, but he looks at you like you hung the stars."

Harry allows himself to smile, but he won't allow himself to hope. "Alright."

\------------

Liam looks between the other boys and the doctor. "So what's the diagnosis? Is he okay?"

Niall grabs Harry's hand and holds it tightly. He hopes it's nothing too serious.

Harry and Niall haven't talked about last night, they haven't really gotten a chance but Niall holding his hand makes him feel slightly better.

The doctor looks between them. "After talking to Louis I think he's suffering from situational depression."

"Situational? So it's not just depression? What's the difference?" Niall asks not understanding the diagnosis.

"Well it's only the situation that Louis is in that's making him depressed. Being away from family and friends for so long."

Liam frowns and looks at the others. "He's been doing this for four years now. Shouldn't he be used to it by now?"

"We had more breaks in the past. Nowadays we can barely call them." Zayn can't make eye contact with anyone, this is too much.

"So what can we do? There's going to be something." Niall says wanting to help his friend.

"Maybe Louis just needs a break." Harry says.

"That would be for the best." The doctor looks to the others.

"You know that management would never allow us a break." Liam says. They've asked before and they've been told so many times.

"This is different! Lou isn't doing well and unless they want us to fall apart then they will. Louis' health comes first and if they don't give him time to get better then I'll make sure to announce that I'm gay and let them deal with that." Harry hisses. He hasn't told anyone that he's gay, but he will for his friends.

Niall shrugs. "No one will bat an eye at that. I guarantee they'd rather work Louis to death than have us take a break."

Liam looks to Zayn. "What do you think? You're closest to Louis."

"We need to make a stand. We had three months off before this shouldn't be a problem to give us a month, two weeks, anything."

"Let's get Louis in here and talk it out with him." Liam says quietly.

"That's probably for the best." Zayn sighs and looks to the doctor who leaves the room to retrieve Louis.

Louis comes in, looking tiny and smaller than he normally does.

Niall smiles and opens his arms for the oldest who sits on the boy's lap and curls up in his arms. "So what's wrong with me?"

Zayn takes Louis' hand and squeezes it. "You have situational depression."

Louis doesn't lift his head from Niall's chest. "So give me drugs and I'll be fine."

"No, we want you to take a break." Zayn continues.

Louis shakes his head at that. "No way. That's just another reason for fans to hate me."

"Louis, this is serious. Look at you. You're barely able to get up there some nights." Liam says seriously.

"We don't want you to end up in the hospital because of this." Harry can't stand the thought of Louis being in here for anything other than an appointment.

"I'll be fine. Just give me the drugs." Louis won't stop this tour for something that can be fixed with a pill.

"Louis, we're serious." Zayn is trying to stay calm but Louis isn't listening.

"So am I." Louis says stubbornly.

"I can prescribe you anti-depression drugs, but rest is the only thing that will get you mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy."

"As long as it gets me through the day." Louis will be sure to tell management that the next tour will be slow paced.

\------------

"Niall, we need to talk." Harry sighs leaning against the doorway, looking at Niall while he's lying in his bunk probably on Twitter.

"Yeah?" Niall is busy following fans and tweeting his thanks to the masses. He really isn't paying much attention to who's talking to him.

"Niall, please." He sighs, sitting on the edge of the mattress.

The blond looks up and smiles. "What's up, Harry?"

"We had sex." Is the first thing Harry says without thinking about it.

"Yup." Niall grins as he thinks about the night before.

"We had sex, Niall. You were drunk and it was meaningless and we need to talk about it."

Niall frowns at the tone of voice his friend is using. "I was drunk, but it wasn't meaningless. I don't sleep with random people."

"Yeah, you slept with me. I'm not a random person, but I don't want to be another fuck to you." Harry hides his face.

"Harry, I don't sleep around. Before you the only person I've ever been with was Zayn and that was years ago. If I do something like that with you, it means I trust you. I thought we were on the same page, but I guess you don't trust me like I trust you." Niall says seriously.

"I don't care about trust. I love you, Niall! I don't want this to just be sex!"

"It's not just sex, but it's not like, love." Niall shrugs. It's hard to explain.

"That's awesome, dude. That's just cool." Harry stands, he can't be here for another minute.

Niall smiles. "Yeah. You get it. It's like, guy love but in a no homo type way."

"Fuck off, Niall." Harry storms out of the bunk room tears in his eyes.

\------------

Niall makes everyone a plate and hands them out. "This is my mammy's recipe. I hope you guys enjoy it!"

Liam takes a huge bite. He smiles brightly. "Compliments to the chef! This is delicious, Ni!"

Harry exits the kitchen with a bowl of cereal, slowly spooning it out. "Concert went well last night."

Liam nods. "Yeah. It was great to have an energetic feel again. How's the food, Lou?"

Louis looks up from his phone. "Huh? Oh, I'm not hungry. I'll try it later or something."

Harry raises an eyebrow. "You didn't eat yesterday either."

"Sure I did. I had a... Banana? Yeah. I ate after the concert." Louis says with a shrug.

"No, you didn't. You went to bed..." Harry trails off.

Louis just shrugs it off. "I'll eat when I'm hungry. I'm just not hungry right now."

Liam frowns. "You ate a banana three days ago. Was that the last thing you ate?"

"Now that I think about it, it was." Harry glares.

"Louis," Zayn sighs, "a side effect of your pills is loss of appetite."

"And? Why eat if I'm not hungry?" Louis is quickly getting frustrated at feeling cornered all the time.

"Dude, you need to eat." Niall says worriedly.

"You could die? You're malnourished. That's not good on your body or your health."

Louis huffs and stands, grabbing his phone. "Make up your minds! Do want me depressed or taking the pills? I can't please everyone!"

"Eat with the fucking pills, Louis!" Zayn shouts angrily.

"I'm not fucking hungry!" The eldest shouts back. "I'm so sick and tired of you guys telling me what to do!"

"We just want what's best for you, Lou." Niall says softly.

"Then we won't! Fucking starve for all I care!" Zayn's glad that they took a pit stop getting off the bus for a break.

They all climb off except Louis. He stays behind to go lay down in his bunk.

"That was a bit harsh, Z." Liam says as they all stand around stretching.

"I'm not going to take care of someone who doesn't care. I'm not going to force him, he's a grown ass man." Zayn rolls his eyes.

"What if the pills aren't working and he's still depressed and just not eating? Do you think he'd just... Let it get that far? What if he wants it to be over?" Niall asks worriedly.

Liam looks at the others in contemplation. "Are we saying he's suicidal now?"

"And if he is and we tell him? He's just going to be stubborn is there a point?" Zayn asks.

"Just watch him. We can't do much since he won't let us help him, but if it gets too dangerous, we need to send him to a hospital." Liam says. He doesn't want to see his friend end up dead because of how stubborn he is.

Zayn isn't sure what to do at this point, he doesn't deal with stubborn people. If Louis doesn't want help he can't do anything.

\------------

"Living out of cases, packing up and taking off. Made a lot of changes, but not forgetting who I was. On the horizon, oh, well I know, I know, I know, I know the moon will be rising back home." Niall sings into his microphone. They're in Paris and the energy is finally starting to click again.

"Don't forget where you belong, home! Don't forget where you belong, home! If you ever feel alone, don't!" They're singing with more passion than they've had in a long time, moving and jumping around the stage.

"You were never on your own and the proof is in this song." The boys are all having a wonderful time.

Liam wanders over and throws an arm around Harry as the boy songs his solo, providing harmonies whenever he felt like it.

Harry chuckles and pushes at Liam's arm instead wrapping around him like koala.

Louis smiles brightly and takes a huge deep breath for his solo. It's too much though as his vision starts to fuzz and he grabs Sandy for support. He misses his cue and end up sitting on the floor with his head between his knees.

The music cuts out but the screaming doesn't. Zayn is the first one next to Louis. "Are you okay?"

"Really lightheaded. Need water." Louis says as he struggles to stop the shaking that's taken over his body.

Liam is trying to distract the crowd with his beat boxing while Niall rocks out on guitar with him.

Harry comes over with a bottle of water, unscrewing the cap and handing the bottle over to Louis. "What's wrong?"

"Don't know. I'm going to sit out a song. I'll be right back." Louis tries to get up, but his legs give out under his own weight. "Maybe I should just... Stay here?"

Zayn picks Louis up bridal style carrying him off stage. "I have to get back out there, but I'll put you on the couch in our dressing room if you want."

Louis shakes his head and points to an empty chair just off the stage. "Dressing room is too far. Drop me there and I'll be back on after I get enough water."

"Maybe you should sit this one out." Zayn hands him the water and looks back out where he can hear the other three boys telling a story.

"But what about the fans?" He asks quickly. He doesn't want to disappoint them anymore.

"We'll say you weren't feeling well. It's the truth, Louis. You're not in good shape."

Louis bites his lip as he thinks it over. "I'll ask Paul. I don't want to sit off if I can get back on there.

"Louis, you really need to rest." Zayn wishes he would just get it.

"Fine." The brunette huffs and slowly gets to the feet, testing his weight as he goes. "I'll just curl up in bed and disappoint everyone."

"You're not disappointing anyone, Louis. I just wish you'd understand that." Zayn kisses Louis' cheek.

Louis looks at his raven haired friend. "You're really worried about me, aren't you?"

"Of course I am! I love you, Louis." Zayn just wishes Louis would understand

"I'll just... Head back to the bus and rest then. I won't push myself tonight." Louis says as he stumbles over his words.

"Thank you." Zayn kisses his forehead and smiles softly.

Louis nods and watches as his friend heads back to the stage and he's left standing there, wanting to join the others.

\------------

Liam wipes the sweat from his face as they head towards the bus. "Is Louis already on the bus?"

"I told him to go lay down after I took him off the stage." Zayn opens the door allowing his band mates to go ahead of him.

Paul is exiting the bunk area as the boys are coming in. "Hey. I just got him to slow down and sleep. His blood sugar was extremely low, so I got him to eat some crackers."

Zayn sighs. "We can't continue on like this. Louis' can't continue on like this."

"What should we do? He's already on anti-depressants and if that messing up his appetite to the point where he's passing out..." Niall doesn't know what to do.

"If he doesn't get help he'll be in a hospital again." Zayn sighs.

Liam sighs. "We just need to watch him more carefully." He looks to his bandmates for confirmation.

"Yeah. We need to just watch his eating. Make sure he eats at least once a day." Niall says in agreement.

"He's been fighting us. He'll just accuse us of bothering him and he'll just refuse to eat." Zayn reminds them.

"We need to just try our best." Liam says, wanting them all to just agree on that point alone.

"Of course." Harry nods. He wants them to be a band again.

Paul nods. "That sounds like a plan. I have to go. Keep an eye on him."

"We will. Thanks, Paul." Zayn watches him go, turning to the other three.

"Just let him sleep. One of us should be up with him in the morning though." Niall says as he yawns as the exhaustion settles in.

"I can be up if you guys want me to." Zayn raises his hand volunteering himself.

"Works for me." Liam says as he stifles a yawn. "He probably trusts you more than us."

Zayn isn't so sure about that after he yelled, but last night he told Louis he loved him, which he does. "I will."

The tour bus starts moving out to the next city and the boys turn in for a long ride.

\------------

Harry sighs quietly when he wakes up in the middle of the night only to realize that he has to pee. He stands heading quietly down the hall to the bathroom where the door was open and the light was on. He hopes whoever it is fucks off, he really needs to pee.

There's a rattling and a curse as the door flies open. Louis is there, anti depressants in hand and about three in the toilet. "Harry..."

Harry freezes. "Louis... What the fuck are you doing?"

"It's nothing. Just go back to bed." Louis tries to hide the rest of the pills as he scrambles to get Harry back to bed.

"That's not nothing." Harry is whispering, trembling, looking at the obvious pill bottle in Louis' hand.

Louis lets his shoulders sag. "Don't tell them, please..."

"I won't." Harry says crossing his arms and he completely forgets why he came here in the first place.

"I didn't want to stop the tour, but I didn't want to be on drugs either. I just..." Louis doesn't really know what he's trying to say.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do, Louis; you're a grown man. But I will tell you this. If you don't take your medication it'll make things worse. If you want to ruin your friendships with us and your relationship with your family be my guest. Fuck everything up, but I'm not treating you like a child when you're anything but."

Louis looks at his friend. "I don't... I don't know if I can stop. I just have this urge to just... Stop existing."

"You're so fucking selfish. You want to die, do you know what that would do to everyone? Do you want your mum and siblings to live with that? Live with you gone?" He narrows his eyes.

"I can't help it!" Louis says a bit loudly. "You act like I can control it. I can't. I just get in these moods and I think about how easy it would be to.. I can't help it."

"That's why you need to take them and you won't think about it!" He groans.

Louis stays silent. He thinks over what Harry was saying. He doesn't want to dependant on the drugs, but he feels like he owes it to his friends. "Just... Go to bed, Harry."

"I have to pee, but I'll go to bed after." He heads to the toilet.

The eldest heads to the front of the bus, pill bottle in his hand. He stares at the plastic before pouring the pills into his hand. They're small and yellow and he pops two of them in his mouth, putting the rest away. He needs to try.

\------------

Zayn is lounging on the bed, in the hotel room he's sharing with Louis. "How have you been?"

Louis shrugs as he lays across the bed. "I've been okay. I finally started taking those pills every day." He clutches his pillow tightly.

"That's great Louis. I hope you know I'm proud of you." He squeezes Louis' leg from where he's next to him.

"I don't know if they're helping. I still feel... Lonely? Depressed? Sleepy?" Louis isn't exactly sure how to put it in words.

"Lonely? Louis, you have us with you." Zayn doesn't understand how he could be lonely.

"You know how when you're at a party and you don't know anyone? That's how I feel twenty-four seven." The brunet looks up at his friend with a sad smile.

"Louis. You always have me." Zayn leans over, half his body hovering over him before he's leaning in and kissing Louis.

Louis is still, shocked for a moment, before he kisses back. He bring a hand up to the back of Zayn's head, messing with his hair. "It's not that easy, but I'll try. I swear I will."

"I know and I'm here for you- in any way you want me." Zayn wishes it's the way he wants.

Louis smiles brightly and leans up to kiss him once more. "When I'm at a healthier place, I want us to be more."

"Okay. I can do that. I'll be here anyway. I just want you to know so you have something once you get better."

The brunet nods. "I'm sorry I let this get this far."

"It's okay, Louis. At least it isn't too late. We caught it before it could get too far, didn't we?"

Louis is silent for a moment as he thinks over everything. He still doesn't eat, something he's managed to hide since taking the medicine. "I hope so."

"Just know that nothing can happen if you aren't healthy." Zayn hopes it's motivation.

The brunet nods. "I think it's going to take a few more kisses to get me better." He smiles sheepishly over at the boy.

Zayn laughs and does just that kissing Louis three more times.

\------------

Louis laughs brightly at Niall's story. He stuffs a fork full of roast chicken in his mouth. "Wicked! I can't believe you did that."

"It's what I live for." Niall says with an equally bright smile. "So what's the concert schedule looking like tonight?"

"Like a normal concert." Harry rolls his eyes from where he's been quietly eating his dinner.

Louis leans back into Zayn's arms and yawns lightly. "We have a day off coming up. Day off in Amsterdam, right?"

"Yeah. We'll have fun." Zayn shrugs running his fingers through Louis' hair.

Niall nods. "A lazy day, hopefully. Sleep all day and party all night."

"Hell yeah. I'm in." Liam says happily.

Zayn laughs. "We've corrupted you, Liam. We corrupted you a long time ago."

"What about you, Harry? Want to go out with us and party?" Louis says with a smile.

"Not in the mood. Wouldn't want to accidentally sleep with someone again. We all know how that turned out." Harry sneers.

Niall rolls his eyes. "Are you still on about that? I told you that it wasn't an accident. I genuinely wanted to sleep with you."

"Because we're friends or whatever shit excuse you used." Harry rolls his eyes.

"You're being so immature about this. We're both healthy twenty year old males. What's wrong about being friends and helping each other out? Especially when we're as close as we are." Niall just doesn't see the problem.

"Because I'm in love with you, you ass! Is that what you want to fucking hear?" Harry storms off, locking himself in the bathroom.

Liam sighs. "This couldn't have waited until after the show?"

"Sorry. Guess I shouldn't have brought it up." Louis says with a frown.

Zayn rubs at Louis' hair kissing his temple. "Not your fault, this was bound to happen."

"Whatever. Let's just worry about this show first. Personal lives later." Liam says as he grabs a water bottle, ready to warm up.

\------------

"Thank you everyone! This next song is a little song we'd like to call Little White Lies." Harry introduces grinning.

"I love that song!" Louis yells into his mic. He's been running around, interacting with Niall and tossing water bottles to a few fans who look dead tired.

"That's always a plus." Zayn laughs twisting Louis' nipple.

"Please, don't touch. I have some dignity." Louis says as he grabs his wounded chest.

Liam laughs and looks into the crowd. "Is everyone glad that Louis is back? We missed that sassy attitude on the stage?"

Most everyone screams except for a few who hold up a large poster. 'Kill yourself, Louis.'

Louis smiles and bows before he spots the banner. His smile falters and his chest tightens. "Glad to make most of you guys so happy."

Zayn wraps an arm around Louis, oblivious. "Why don't we jump into the next song?"

\------------

"Good night! You've been amazing!" Niall shouts as he jumps into the hole in the floor for him.

Once backstage, everyone is laughing and goofing off. Louis tries his best to slip past unnoticed. The food settling in his stomach churns and he feels sick. Those three words are burned into his memory.

Zayn notices though, of course he would. He kisses Louis and stops him from getting too far. "How are you?"

Louis swallows the lump in his throat and smiles weakly. "Tired. I think I'm just going to shower and jump in bed since it's a bus night."

"Do you want me to join you?" Blood rushes to Zayn's cheeks. "Not in the shower, I mean in bed. Well not in bed, in bed but like cuddling."

Louis smiles softly. "Not tonight. My stomach is kind of upset so I don't want to disturb you in case I have to rush to the bathroom."

"It won't disturb me, but if you're sure..." Zayn kisses his cheek, smiling.

"Maybe tomorrow when we're at a hotel." Louis says softly before kissing him and heading off towards the bus.

Niall throws an arm around Zayn's neck. "You know, I think you're the best for helping Louis through this."

Zayn shrugs. "I'd do anything for Louis; he's my best friend."

"So is he going to be the best man at you and Pezza's wedding then?" Niall says with a bright smile.

Zayn feels a pull in his stomach because he kind of forgot about her. "Uh..."

Niall clasps the older's shoulder. "It's okay, man. I understand. I'll just call Liam's wedding!"

"No, it's not that. I kind of forgot I was with Perrie?" He sighs.

"How do you forget something like that?" Niall says a bit too loudly.

Zayn hushes him. "I've been hanging out with Louis a lot and... Yeah."

The blond stares at him in disbelief. "And you forgot about your fiancé? What about Eleanor? You forget about her too?"

"Look, I can't help that I like Louis, okay? I kissed him, a few times, and yeah."

"Boys, to the bus." Paul says as he calls them over quickly.

"Just call it off soon, Zee. She needs to know if you've found someone else." Niall says as they head to the outdoors.

"I will! I want this with Louis. Perrie and I don't have time, but I really like Louis. He's different, he's there." Zayn doesn't know how to explain it.

Niall frowns. "So he's convenient? That doesn't really sound like a good reason."

"No! Fuck, you're not getting it. It's not that he's convenient."

"But you just said he's there. That implies convenience." Niall groans as they scramble onto the bus.

"He's there, yes. I can touch him; is there something wrong with closeness? You're an expert. When's the last time you were even in a relationship?"

"Louis, hurry up!" Liam is banging on the bathroom door and grabbing at his stomach.

It distracts Niall enough to get out if answering Zayn's question. "Is something wrong, Payno?"

"Louis' been in there for like ten minutes."

Zayn frowns and pushes them back, pressing his ear to the door when he hears gagging. He starts banging his hand against the door. "Louis! Louis, open up!"

Louis just continues to gag and throw up his dinner. When he finally feels light enough, he flushes the toilet and opens the door. "I told you I wasn't feeling good."

"Are you sure that's what it is?" Zayn crosses his arms.

"Yeah... What else would it be?" He's going to play dumb for as long as he can.

"You're intentionally vomiting." Zayn isn't asking it as a question.

Louis makes a disgusted face and shakes his head. "I wouldn't do that. That's just gross."

"Louis, don't fucking lie to me." Zayn glares, crossing his arms.

The brunet deflates as he realises that Zayn won't believe him. "Fine... I did it intentionally. I just felt so full and like I was going to puke anyway so I just gave it a nudge."

"How are you supposed to get better if you're pulling that shit?" Zayn just wishes Louis would fucking see what he's doing.

"It was only once. Besides, I'd rather help it along instead of sitting there feeling sick for hours." Louis isn't backing down from this. He didn't do anything wrong.

"You're so fucking infuriating! Louis, I can't, I can't do this." Zayn goes towards the bunks angrily.

There's another twist in Louis' stomach. He can't believe he just pushed Zayn away. He grabs the bottle of pills he had just started taking daily and dumps them all into the toilet before flushing them. He can't do this anymore.

\------------

Liam treads carefully through the bus. Ever since that night with the fight between Zayn and Louis, the tension on the bus has risen. No one really talks or jokes around anymore; it's like a dark cloud has settled over them.

Louis doesn't eat anymore, and when he does he gets violently sick afterwards. The boys are wondering if it's intentional or if his body is just rejecting any nourishment.

The boy sighs as he scrolls around the interwebs. It's become a habit and a boring one at that. It's an article about Louis that catches his attention today. "Harry, come look at this."

Harry looks from where he's heating up last night's takeout, heading over towards Liam. "What is it?"

"Media is starting to notice Louis' weight loss." He turns the laptop towards the tall boy.

The screen is plastered with pictures of Louis from all three tours, steadily getting thinner and thinner. The newest pictures though make him look so tiny, being engulfed in the black vest he wears every night.

Harry frowns ignoring the beep from the microwave. "What are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know. Louis barely leaves his bunk and Zayn won't talk to him. You're our next line of defence." Liam says sadly. "You used to live with him. You've got to know something."

"With the rate this is going Louis' going to kill himself. He needs to be fed through a tube or something."

Liam nods in agreement. "He was doing so well. What the hell happened that would set him back like this?"

"The fight with Zayn? Its probably stressing him out to the point where he's actually become physically ill to food." Harry can't imagine what else it would be.

"Could have been that sign at the concert." Niall says as he heads into the room from the kitchen. "The fight with Zayn came after the concert and he didn't look to well towards the end of the show."

"The non supporting fans are really taking a toll on him." Harry sighs.

Liam frowns. "Wait. What sign? What did I miss?"

"The one that told Louis to kill himself. Wait... What if he took that sign seriously?"

"So is he really doing all of this on purpose or is his body so strung out that it's subconsciously killing him?" Niall asks. If it's a subconscious thing, there's really nothing they can do.

"That's what we don't know. We don't know if Louis is telling us the truth or not when he says he's sick."

"This is so fucking frustrating. What are we supposed to do? Sit back and watch him kill himself?" Liam says with a groan.

"Take him to the hospital? There nothing we can do." He looks to the Liam then to Niall silently asking if they had any ideas.

"I'll talk to Paul when we get to the venue. He'll know what to do." Niall says looking back towards the bunk area.

"Hopefully." Harry wishes he knew how to reverse time

\------------

Louis cracks the windows in the back of the bus and closes the partition to give himself a little bit of privacy. Once that's all finished, he pulls his lighter and three joints from the his pocket and lights up the first one.

Zayn sits back against the cushion of the seat, watching. "No filming this time alright."

Louis rolls his eyes, but nods. "Yeah. I got you." He inhales deeply, coughing for a minute as his lungs try to get used to the abuse again.

"You alright? I mean, should you be smoking after everything that happened?" He asks.

The brunet huffs and looks to his best friend. "After what happened? Everything is fine." He holds the joint out for the younger male. "Do you want a hit or no?"

Zayn takes it, inhaling a large hit and puffing it out, sighing happily. "This is definitely what I needed."

"Because nothing can ever hurt you when you're this high." Louis says calmly as he takes another hit. He's nowhere near high or buzzed, but he's already starting to feel a sense of calm sweeping over him.

"Your stress swells like a balloon and smoking pops it, if that makes sense." Zayn takes two more hits, grinning through the smoke.

Louis just hums as they lapse into silence. It's about ten minutes later when they've finished a joint and a half and are starting to really feel the effects, that Louis speaks again.

Their dark, personal conversations always happen when they're high. "Zayn, have you ever thought about what it would be like to just go a little too far? The body can survive for thirty days without food, but only three without water. I haven't eaten in twenty-seven days."

Zayn looks at him, frowning. "That's not good. You need to eat, Lou. I don't need you dying or something."

"I've tried. I just can't keep it down. It's not intentional either. I just can't physically stomach food." Louis says as he turns his head lethargically to the side look at his friend.

"Are you sure it's physically and not mentally?" Zayn raises an eyebrow.

The older shrugs helplessly. "If it is, then I don't know how to fix it. I always tell people I don't want to die, but what if I really do and I just don't know it?"

"Well we need to get you in a hospital then. None of us want to see you die, Louis, especially me."

Louis is quiet again as he mulls over Zayn's words. He doesn't want to cause Zayn pain, that's the last thing he wants. He looks up at his friend and loses his train of thought as their eyes meet. "Kiss me?"

Zayn rolls his eyes but puffs on a joint, bringing their lips together and blowing into his mouth.

Inhaling the sweet taste that he loves so much, Louis shifts into Zayn's lap. He knows he doesn't weigh much, so he feels no remorse in his new seat. Breaking the kiss, he tilts his head backwards and blows the smoke high into the air. "I meant just a normal kiss that preferably turns into a make out before you just having your way with me. This, this is good too though."

"Oh my bad." Zayn laughs, cupping Louis' cheek and kissing him again, this time smoke free.

Louis grabs the joint from Zayn's hands and drops it into what he hopes was the ashtray. The kiss is exactly what Louis wanted and he can feel his heart hammering away against his ribcage. He's sure Zayn can feel it too- he hopes he can.

Zayn grabs Louis' shoulders being careful to spread him out over the couch.

Louis can only imagine what he looks like. Small, red, completely blissed. "Zayn..." There's a sharp pain in his chest by his heart and he does his best to ignore it.

"I love you, Louis." Zayn kisses Louis' knuckles on both hands moving down his jaw and to his neck.

"I love you too." Louis winces as the pain in his chest amplifies. He whimpers and grabs at the area where his heart is. "Zayn... Hold on."

"L-Louis? Are you alright? What is it?" Zayn sits back, high and worried.

His vision swims a little and he whimpers as the pain intensifies before subsiding. "N-nothing. It's fine. It just felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart. It's fine now."

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you, Louis." Zayn really doesn't.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this right now. It's happened before the last few days and it leaves me tired." Louis tries to explain.

Before Zayn can respond or Louis can make another excuse, Liam is pushing the curtain aside. "We're at the venue."

Zayn looks up and nods. "Thanks, Liam. Just give us a minute to collect ourselves and what not."

Liam nods and steps out.

Louis sits up. "Come on. We need to get giong. We don't want to drag everything out and disappoint the fans."

"I know, just want to make sure you're alright." Zayn stands helping Louis to his feet.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." Louis says as they head out towards the backstage area.

"Louis, they want to see you in costume. They're worried they might have to take your clothes in again." Paul says as they enter.

Zayn looks at Louis. "They're probably right. You're looking a bit on the small side again."

Caroline comes around the corner sighing. "I don't know what we're going to do. We've already taken you to double zero measurements. Any smaller and you'll be in kids sizes."

Louis shrugs. "Don't take them in then. Let it be baggy."

"Can't we say it's a new style or something? Any smaller and he'll be all over tabloids and on E! News." Zayn doesn't want any more media attention.

"Sounds good to me." Louis says with a shrug. He undoes the tie on his sweats, dropping them and grabbing his skinny jeans. "Let's at least make sure these won't fall off my ass."

"Just tie it off with a belt, two if you need." Zayn shrugs turning around to let him get dressed.

Caroline frowns. "I don't know if we have a belt that small." She grabs one of Harry's belt and loops around Louis' waist three times. "We'll have to make a new hole in the belt for it to fit."

"Then do it." Zayn huffs crossing his arms in frustration.

They finish with costumes and let Louis join everyone backstage. "I know this is pretty much pointless, but is there anything I can try and eat?"

"Crackers, chicken broth." Lou says. "I could barely eat after I had Lux and that's what they suggested I have."

Louis nods. "I guess I'll take crackers then. Maybe a packet or two." He grabs a packet and opens it, stuffing the dry bread in his mouth.

"You might need this." Zayn holds the water bottle up unscrewing the cap.

Louis smiles softly and takes a huge gulp of the liquid. He sits down and pats the seat next to him. "Cuddle with me, Zee. I'm so cold."

Zayn does tugging Louis into his arms, kissing him all over his jaw.

Louis giggles and squirms in the male's arms until he feel his stomach clench. "Zayn, let go!" He pries Zayn's arms off of him and leans over the couch, vomiting all over the floor. He gags as he can feel the crackers crawling back up his throat.

Zayn rubs his back. "You need to go to the hospital. We can't have you die from not eating."

The brunet is about to protest when the shooting pain in his heart is back. He clutches at his chest, curling up and trying to become as small as he can. Breathing is a struggle and he finds Zayn's eyes. "Ambulance... Call one."

"Someone call an ambulance!" Zayn screams ignoring everyone, holding onto Louis.

Louis' vision swims as he tries to focus on Zayn's face. "Z-Zayn? I'm going to b-be okay, right?"

Liam runs into the room and takes in the scene. "Oh god. Paul!"

"You'll be fine, babe. I'm here. I'm going to make sure you're fine." He's trying to hold back tears.

Louis' tongue feels like it's swollen, too heavy to move. He can't get a good breath of oxygen and he allows himself to let his eyes slip shut.

The paramedics arrive quickly and place the boy on the stretcher and hook him up to what feels like hundreds of machines. "His internal organs are shutting down. We have to get him to a hospital. Who's riding with him?"

"I am!" Zayn shouts scrambling into the ambulance, scared and shaking.

"Zayn, you need to stay here. I'll go with him since I have all his medical information." Paul says quickly as he reaches a hand out to help Zayn out of the truck.

As much as Zayn wants to argue he doesn't. "Okay, alright I'll drive and meet you there."

The doors to the ambulance close and it tears off down the street.

Liam and Niall are waiting to see if Zayn needed anything. "There's a car outside. I'm sure they'll take you."

Zayn nods. "Can you all come with me? I need you guys there."

"Let's go." Liam says as he pulls Zayn along. "Harry, you're driving."

Harry doesn't protest just grabs Niall's hand without thinking about it.

\------------

Zayn is bouncing his leg, glaring at Harry. "Can you drive faster? And stop fussing over Niall."

Harry lets go of Niall's hand at that looking in the rearview mirror. "I'm at a stoplight. What do you want from me?"

Liam clears his throat. "Just focus on the road, Harry. We don't need to end up in a crash."

"I'm fine, Haz. Just calm down." Niall says softly as he leans over to kiss the boy's temple.

"I am focusing on the road. Holding Niall's hand isn't going to kill us. I'm not quick enough? Here." Harry hisses pressing on the gas pedal once the light turned green.

Niall frowns and squeezes the boy's thigh. "Harry, stop. We're just anxious and worried. Get us there fast, but don't kill us."

"Zayn wants me to hurry!" Harry rolls his eyes finally letting up

"Guys," Liam says sternly, "fighting and arguing are getting us nowhere. Let's just get to the hospital and see Louis. Everyone needs to calm down." He looks pointedly at Zayn, "everyone."

Zayn glares. "How the hell am I supposed to calm down? I was the only one there for Louis after the video unlike you three."

"What? We were there! We tried to get him back to his normal self." Niall squawks with indignation.

"No! You all insulted and ignored him! Don't fucking tell me you were there. I was there that's how I know you weren't."

The car goes silent for a few minutes and soon enough, the hospital is in view. "We're here..."

Harry pulls into a parking space, he barely gets the car to stop before Zayn is out leaving the car door open.

Zayn's running to the hospital when sees it. A red broken string tied around his finger. "What the hell?"

Liam is right behind him. "Come on. You want to see him or no? You just told Harry to hurry up so you could get to him."

"Why is there string around my finger?" Zayn holds it up trying to pull it off.

"There's nothing there." Liam says with a frown as he pushes Zayn towards the door. "Come on. He needs you."

"What do you mean nothing is there?" Zayn won't accept that he might be going insane.

"Just ask the lady where Louis is." Liam says exasperatedly as he pushes him to the nurses desk.

Zayn pushes Liam off heading to the reception desk. "Can you tell me where Louis Tomlinson is?"

The woman searches the database. "He's getting ready to be transferred to the morgue. He didn't make it."

Zayn's breath hitches. "What? You're not serious?"

"Afraid so. Looks like time of death was called about two minutes ago." She says as she looks at the computer screen.

"Boys!" Paul calls then from down the hall.

Zayn looks up at Paul, tears welling in his eyes. "Louis' gone... He can't be gone."

Their bodyguard stops and sighs. "I'm sorry, Zayn. They tried everything. His heart couldn't take it anymore."

Zayn collapses onto his knees and hides his face, sobbing.

Liam is quick to kneel down and wrap his arms around his friend. "It's going to be okay. It's okay, Zayn. I got you."

"It's not going to be okay! He's gone!" Zayn groans, trembling.

Niall watches one if his friend's breakdown as he pulls Harry into his side. "Do... Do we want to see him before they move him?"

Zayn calms down, at least tries to, wiping at his eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, I want to see him."

Paul nods and heads off to arrange it with the doctors.

"Can you get off the floor for me, Zayn?" Liam whispers as he rubs circles into the boy's back. "You know he loved you."

It takes a minute for Zayn to stand, hands on his knees still doubled over. "I don't think I can live without him."

Niall frowns and looks to his bandmate. "You're going to. We're not letting you down. We love you too much to watch you drift away."

Paul and a doctor appear quickly. "You all can see him. I suggest one at a time so you can each have a private moment."

"I want to go first if that's alright." Zayn looks at the others for any objections.

Niall shrugs as he pets at Harry's curls. "That's fine. Definitely think you should, mate."

"Take as long as you need. We'll be out here if you need us." Liam says softly, pressing a kiss to the boy's hair.

Harry smiles and rubs at Zayn's back. "We're here for you, Zayn."

Zayn nods, heading after Paul towards the room.

"He's still connected to everything. It just looks like he's sleeping. I asked them to cover his chest so you all don't see the extent of damage." Paul says as he stops outside a room.

"O-Okay." Zayn nods his head looking towards the door, opening it.

Louis' body is there on the bed, eyes closed and looking peaceful for the first time in months. His arms are by his side, laying over the tucked blanket. They're super skinny, almost no muscle or fat to speak of.

Zayn tries not to breakdown again, holding Louis’ arm when he notices it. A frayed string tethered around Louis' finger.

A nurse comes in. "Oh. Sorry. I was told to unhook the body and prepare it for the morgue."

"Just give me one second." Zayn whispers a goodbye to Louis kissing him.

The nurse stands awkwardly to the side and waits for the darker male to step aside before she hears it.

It's a faint beep of a heart monitor and she looks at the other male. "Did you jar the wire?"

Zayn looks up and shakes his head. "No, no I didn't." He looks back down to see the string around his finger and around Louis' raising up and connecting with a burst of light before disappearing.

The nurse frowns as she hears another beep. "Oh god. Get the doctor! He's still has brain activity and a pulse!"

Zayn doesn't move, just holds Louis' face in his hands. "Boo?"

Louis doesn't stir, but the faint beeping gets a bit stronger.

The doctor rushes in and pushes Zayn aside. "He's got an erratic brain wave pattern. It's like his whole system is just rebooting..."

"He's alive?" Zayn isn't sure if it's the excitement, the anxiety or what, but he faints.

\------------

Zayn sits bolts upright, looking frantically around until he realizes the boys are surrounding him. "What happened? Where's Louis? Is he okay?"

Liam looks up from his phone, startled. "Jesus, Zayn. Give a guy a heart attack why don't you." He smiles brightly though. "Louis' fine. He's a few rooms over in a medically induced coma. They inserted a feeding tube and aren't going to wake him till he's a healthy weight again."

"He's alive?" Zayn feels like he's going to pass out again.

"Yeah. They don't know what happened. Said it was like a computer rebooting itself after overheating." Liam shrugs, but the smile never leaves his face. "He made it, Zayn."

Zayn can't help but squeal, shifting in the hospital bed they laid him out on. "He's alright, he's going to be alright."

Liam laughs and grabs the darker male's hand. "We're all going to help this time. It won't be just you."

Zayn smiles and nods. "Thanks, guys. I know Louis will appreciate it too."

Niall looks at the others, sighing when he realises he's the only one who is thinking about the elephant in the room. "So are you and Louis a thing?"

Zayn isn't sure what to say it's not like they discussed it, but..."Do any of you know about red strings?"

Liam frowns. "A little. It's all just legend stuff though. Why?"

"Just tell me about it." Zayn sighs. He has to know what he saw.

"They're supposed to connect soulmates. They can be as long or short as they need to be. You just... You never know if you're actually with your soulmate though because they're invisible. People claim to see them when their partner dies." Liam says as he thinks about what he read so long ago.

"I... I saw red strings when Louis passed, Liam. I swear it. Outside I asked you how you couldn't see the string around my finger and when Louis came back the strings connected and disappeared."

Niall looks around again. "So you guys are soulmates?"

"It's all legend though. Zayn, I think you just wanted to see them. It's okay, we understand, but red strings are all just legend." Liam says sternly.

"I didn't even know about them. How would I just see them without knowing about it?" Zayn is growing frustrated, he saw them.

"Okay, okay. You saw them." Liam says to get the male to calm down.

"I don't need to justify this to you assholes." Zayn lies back down turning his back on them.

"Zayn..." Niall sighs as he lets go of Harry to climb onto the hospital bed. "We love you, but we find it hard to believe you because it's just a legend."

"I don't give a fuck if you believe me or not honestly I've stopped caring what you three thought a long time ago."

"What did we do?" Liam asks, mildly offended.

"Not believing me. Louis would believe me." Zayn rolls his eyes.

Niall rolls his eyes. "Louis also thinks you put the stars in the sky."

"Whatever I don't want to talk to you guys." Zayn just wants Louis.

\------------

"He's up to about one hundred and forty pounds. I think we can pull him back into consciousness." The doctor says to Zayn with a smile.

Zayn grins, it's the best news he's gotten since finding out Louis would make it. "That's fantastic, I'm glad he's alright."

"He'll be coming to in about two hours. I would call anyone that should be here and get them here." The doctor says with a smile.

"Of course." Zayn heads into the hallway calling Liam. They need to be here.

They all arrive twenty minutes later, eager looks on their faces.

"Fucking finally. It's only been a whole month." Niall is grinning and so excited to have his oldest mate back.

"Will he be able to eat again?" Harry asks.

Zayn nods. "Yeah, he'll be back on track."

"Good. Once he's awake and everything, we have a six month break. I've practically threatened management that we'll all drop our contracts if they try and schedule us." Liam says happily. He knows Louis will need time to recover.

"We're not One Direction without all five of us." Harry smiles.

"So when is he going to wake up? I need to make sure he's actually okay." Niall says impatiently.

"Another hour and a half." Zayn looks at the clock and the long hand has barely moved.

"Well let's go get some foot and then we'll come and wait. I'm too anxious to wait in here." Liam suggests.

"It'll help pass time and we'll be fed. There's a pizza place down the road." Harry looks towards the exit.

"Sounds great!" Niall says, already heading toward the door.

"Of course you're hungry." Harry laughs wrapping an arm around Niall's waist.

Zayn falls back to Liam. "So do you know what's going on between them?"

Liam shrugs. "All I know is that Harry is in love with him and Niall swears he's not gay. Ever since the scare with Louis though, they've been inseparable."

"They look pretty together to me." Zayn shrugs watching them head off.

Liam smiles and nods. "Come on. Let's go get some food. When's the last time you left the hospital and had real food?"

"Three days ago? Maybe." Zayn shrugs. He's been spending most of his time next to Louis.

"You've got to be sick to hospital food. Come on." Liam throws an arm around his friend, guiding him to the awaiting car.

\------------

Zayn's back in the hospital room, but full of pizza and breadsticks. "Should be a few minutes now."

They lapse into silence as they watch their bandmate.

It's another ten minutes before Louis starts to stir. A nurse scurries in and takes the feeding tube out before he wakes entirely. "This way he can breath when he wakes up," she says softly when the boys look at her questioningly.

Zayn touches the back of Louis' hand lightly, brushing over his arm. "I love you. So much."

Louis eyes scrunch up before opening. He looks at Zayn with a small smile on his face. "Hey there, gorgeous."

Zayn laughs softly kissing Louis. "I missed you, you know that?"

He frowns. "Missed me? I just took a little nap." Louis takes a second to take in his surroundings. "When did we get to a hospital?"

"A month ago. You passed out and you... You died for five minutes."

Louis blinks a few times. "So what's the last thing that happened before we got here? Did I just dream everything else?"

"We were high and we were about to do things and it just happened. They managed to bring you back and put you in a coma and got you to a healthy weight." Zayn squeezes his hand and smiles.

"So you never tied something around my finger? I swore I saw a string or something and you had one too. I thought it was for a joke or something." Louis is so confused. This past month he's had nothing but dreams filled with Zayn and red string.

"There was a red string, but I didn't do it. There's a legend that says a red string connects soulmates and they only become visible if one partner dies."

Louis smiles brightly. "So we're soulmates then?"

"Yeah, we are. I ended it with Perrie three weeks ago and she's not mad, she understands." Zayn's glad that at least went well.

The brunet can't stop smiling, beckoning Zayn closer to him. "Come here... Closer." Once the boy is close enough, he grabs Zayn's shirt collar and pulls him down into a kiss.

Zayn smiles, surprised. "You're still with El though. This is technically cheating."

"Eleanor broke up with me before I left for tour. I'm one hundred percent single." Louis says with a smile.

A throat clears in the room and Niall is there with the others, looking on amused. "Did you lovebirds forget about us?"

Zayn flushes pink. "Is that my fault you're all watching us? Perverts."

Louis chuckles and looks over at the others. "Hey, guys..."

"So this is happening? There are two in-band relationships then?" Harry asks, grinning.

Niall smiles softly. "Yeah. I guess this happening."

Liam just shakes his head. "I'll stick with Sophia, thank you."

Zayn laughs. "Girls are overrated, Liam. Join the dark side."

Liam laughs. "I'm good. This means more tits for me."

"Enjoy it, mate." Zayn mumbles kissing Louis again. He'll stick with Louis.

\------------

Louis shifts uncomfortably in the leather chair. "Why are we doing these visits again? I'm perfectly fine."

"Why do you think you're fine, Louis?" His psychologist asks.

"I don't remember ever feeling like I wanted to die or intentionally hurt myself. Why are these necessary if I won't do anything?" The brunet blows a stubborn piece of fringe from his face.

"The way things progressed tells me differently. You didn't have the support of your fans, most of your band mates, it's normal to just want to disappear."

Louis sighs and looks to the doctor. "I have my bandmates and now the fans are starting to relax. I guess dying really makes you matter to people."

"You weren't in the right mental state and I'm just here to make sure that you're healthy and happy." He offers a smile.

"I don't think you can actually be healthy and happy and be famous. I'm never going to be fully happy because my family is back in England." Louis shrugs as his eyes wander around the room to all the brain diagrams.

"Exactly. You need to get to a better place and that's what I'm here for. So how have you been feeling lately?"

"Anxious. I'm nervous for this break to end and for us head back out on tour." Louis says with a shrug.

"How has your relationship with your band mates been?"

"It's getting better. Zayn and I are doing well. The others are still... Uncertain around me, but they're getting better." Louis says as he grabs a bounces ball off the corner table in the office.

"So everything is returning to normal then?"

He throws the ball in the air and catches it a few times. "Yeah, I guess. My family calls a lot more now, but I like that. I'm bummed that Doris and Ernest grow up without me."

"Does that upset you or are you doing better accepting that fact?" He asks.

"It still upsets me, but then I remember that even if I was home I would have moved out by now and still wouldn't have seen them as often." Louis says. It does bother him that he won't get to take his brother to his first Rovers' game or take his newest sister out in her pram around the park.

"So how are you feeling overall with the fame, the band, and your family? If you could sum it up."

"Most of the time content with a slight twinge towards anxious." Louis says as he looks at the doctor for the first time since he's been in there.

He nods. "No bad thoughts then? Nothing suicidal or anything like that?"

"It's only been thought about once since they brought me out of the coma." Louis says quietly. "I was coming down from my nice little high and got this overwhelming urge to just save everyone the trouble of dealing with me."

He frowns. "How long ago was this feeling you got?"

Louis shifts uncomfortably, suddenly feeling stupid for mentioning it. "Two weeks ago..."

He nods looking at the time. "That concludes this meeting. I'm going to suggest to make weekly therapy sessions."

The brunet sighs and heads out into the reception area to schedule an appointment for the following week. He waves Zayn over so he can feel that warm protection around him.

\------------

Zayn finishes plating their spaghetti setting it on the coffee table along with two beers. "Dinner's ready, love."

"Oh thank fuck. I'm starving." Louis says as he slides from the couch to the floor so the coffee table is level with his chest. "Looks delicious, babe."

"It's nice seeing you with an appetite." Zayn nudges his back with his knee, opting to sit on the couch.

Louis tilts his head back to rest on the couch between Zayn's thighs. "You know what would be really good for dessert?"

Zayn raises an eyebrow with an idea in mind. "What, love?"

"A nice thick cock being shoved down my throat. I bet I could give some fantastic head from this angle." Louis walked his eyebrows and presses a kiss to the male's inner thigh.

Zayn groans quietly. "You think so? Why don't we eat first then have dessert?"

"I don't know... I always liked eating dessert first." Louis says as innocently as possible as he bites gently at Zayn's other thigh.

Zayn swats his arm lightly and kisses his forehead. "Eat. Now."

Louis huffs, but does as he's told. The food is delicious, as always when Zayn cooks. "Why don't you ever make Pakistani food?"

"I don't want to subject you to that. Unless you really want me to make it." Zayn shrugs.

"I at least want to try it. It's your culture and it's important. I want to know everything there is to know about you and your religion and all your quirks." Louis says with a shrug.

Zayn smiles and kisses him. "You're amazing you know that? I'll make something next week."

Louis smiles brightly. "Right before we go back on tour. Can't believe six months have already gone by."

"Same; but I miss being on stage and singing, messing around with all of you." It's always surreal performing to thousands.

"I do too. I'm just excited for lots of cuddling and kissing." Louis sighs happily.

"Being stuck on a bus again." Zayn chuckles running his fingers through Louis' hair.

"Mmmmm. Messy, quick handjobs in the bunks before the boys notice we're missing." Louis says, completely relaxed here with Zayn.

"They probably know what we're doing they just don't say anything."

Louis chuckles quietly. He lets a silence stretch between them as he just enjoys the sensation of being with Zayn. "I love you."

Zayn is a bit surprised, but he doesn't miss a beat. "I love you too."

The brunet looks up and makes sure Zayn is looking at him. "I don't know if I'd be here without you."

"I don't know what I would do without you. I love you so much, Louis, so much."

That has the older boy crying and crawling into his boyfriend's lap to kiss him passionately. "I promise I'll never leave you like that again. You're my everything now, my soulmate."

Zayn smiles and kisses Louis back. "Why don't we relax with a movie?”

"After dessert." Louis whispers as he presses their lips together once more.

\------------

"Lights off when they should be on, even the stars in the sky look wrong." Louis sings passionately into his microphone. It's their first show back and the crowd is screaming so loudly.

There are no mean signs or booing just cheers and encouragement while the band rocks out on stage.

Louis throws an arm around Zayn's shoulders as they play the final song in the their set. "Better than words, you drive me crazy, someone like you, always be my baby!"

Niall does his normal thrust into his palm, Harry joining him. Zayn laughs and rolls his eyes.

Liam is there with the others as well and they seem like a unified front.

They're just five normal lads with abnormal jobs.


End file.
